The happiest thing is not speaking and listening English. so comfortable! Don't be anxious or trying  to squeeze into the English environment when your English is not so good as local. That' such a terrible thing for you.

 

I did so many wrong things in front of my colleagues, fortunately Robbie is so kind and patient, and gets to fix problem caused by me, a stupid girl. Thank you for your help, Robbie. I have already tried my best. Please forgive me for any trouble I brought.

 

Hopefully, I can fully deal with that---5-line phone ringing, at least 3 clients standing in front of you and waiting for your answer, meanwhile the paper in photocopy machine needs you to fill in, fax machine is working, internal phone rings again.

 

Wu wu wu.... You are going to die.

听同学讲了一句话,描述移民澳洲的中国人回国后的表现---“做事洋气，说话傻气，花钱小气，穿衣土气。”真的很有道理！

自己一直以为是个聪明的人,总喜欢设计别人的路,在联想时经常给作为好朋友的同事出主意,在家里更喜欢为一休计划将来,在老妈面前,总是表现得相当有主见。但是，现在觉得自己实在是个absolute jerk.

 

成熟不是从长相看出来的，而是你的行为。遇到高兴的时候是一蹦三寸高还是一笑而过；遇到困难的时候是放弃逃脱还是迎难而上；遇到挫折时是痛哭流涕还是冷静思考......想想自己走过的三十多年，好象没有遇到什么太大的困难，多数情况事情都是按照自己想要的完成的，这可能是件好事，但也可能使自己盲目自信，听不进别人的意见，以为自己什么都是对的。只有在经历挫折时，才停下来想想，原来别人说的不无道理。

 

心智，曾经做trainer时，总在讲这个话题，成功学的书看了不少，成功学的培训参加了不少，心理学的讲座听了不少。现在觉得，自己仍是个心智不健全的人，或者太不成熟的人，总是欠缺那么一份冷静。虽然自己总提醒自己遇到问题时，思考一分钟。但都是说得容易做得难啊！还是会没经过大脑似的瞎说。怎么办，冷静冷静，这句话永远提醒自己吧。

 

另外，我发现一个问题，就是男人比女人成熟。女人总是表面上开起来什么都知道，指挥这指挥那，但遇到大问题或原则问题时，就傻X了。到头来，还是让男人来指挥，怪不得总统基本上是男人，有建树的人大多是男人，女人还是有先天的不足啊！

 

Alas!Whatever,什么事情别人说一千道一万，都听不进去，只有自己吃亏了，才真正明白了。I am not afraid of troubles I might come across, but I more worry my temper then my ability when I settle them. Hope that time can change me little by little.

I couldn't sleep now although it is 6:00AM after experience I got yesterday.

 

As usual, yesterday afternoon I went to have a interview for receptionist in IPC employment agent that is one of agents which provides job-seeking service to Centerlink. Being asked some common questions, I feltl ok and just looked it as a  interview experience especially because I had already got used to being rejected after several times. At last, interviewer Kate asked me how long I had a notice to my current boss. Without hesitation, I told her I could  begin working immediately since I am working at a florist as a causal job now. Of course, she was very happy. Then I was informed I would get call to know whether I was successful this afternoon. After that, I left in a hurry so as to arrive at florist before 4:00 PM, which is my working shift.

 

During working about 6:00, at florist I picked up incoming call and said hello. Surprisedly, that's Kate and she wanted to get confirmation from boss George whether I am working there, more importantly, she basically wanted to hire me so she tried to communicate with George. Hearing this information, I told her George' home phone number right now althoguh I should keep the number secret otherwise it is very difficult to contact George ordinarily under the circumstance that he only appears at 6:00 Am every Mon, Wed and Fri at florist for sending new flowers. At that moment of telling Kate this, in my mind, I was only thinking I should grab this chance as quick as possible. But I forgeted something crucial. For what? to be continued......

 

I neglected an important thing that I should let George know the whole thing before Kate might ring him. How desirable and impatient I hoped to get this job at that moment! Aroud 7:00 at that time I was not very busy, I dialed George's home phone number, unfortunatle he was out. But I had a feeling that Kate already called George maybe didn't talk until George was back.  The only thing I could do was to wait for call from George. The phone was ringing one hour later...... then I told George I wanted to quit job at once without considering his situation. He became very grumpy and didn't agree me to leave next week. Although I told him how hard for me to get a stable job. On the other side, I could understand his current situation that most old flower girls have already left or are going to leave. New girls cannot catch up with. I promised him I would find other girls instead but he let me train them at least a week. That means I couldn't start my new work next week. Nothing to say.... 20 minutes later I got Kate's call after she put through George' home number. She blamed me that I didn't let George know before she spoke to George. "You should do right thing." she said. I could imagine what George told her. At that time I was aware of wrong thing I did. But I couldn't fix it. Soon George gave me call back, then I had to tell him I would go on working for another week and help him train other two new girls who are Amy's friends. Fortunately Amy helped me find these two girls quickly.

 

Now I thik of the whole process, I made some mistakes. Firstly, I should have a-week notice that will be good for George and me. Secondly, I should let George know before Kate contact him directly. Last but not least, I was  lack of cool when I come across this kind of thing.

 

Keep cooling and think before I do-that is my serious lesson.

 

So far Kate promise to keep my position. But who knows what will happen in next week? God bless me!

 

Just now I was in blue for a while like windy and rainy weather outside. Wiping off tears on face, begin to listen to some musics and write down something to unleash my depression. When will I be a real adult who can control emotion very well? Since I was here, I have been like a under-grown-up girl, always like weeping, being humoursome, which makes my mum very worry about my mental and physical health, actually so do I . Then I get to think of different ways to forget unhappy things. Although I have tried my best, little effect is on me. That's terrible. I have to say that life is casting me after previous smooth 30-year life.

 

Never give up! God will help me be out of dark, I believe. But I am not sure what time. Look, my mind is sometimes optimistic , sometimes pessimistic. My mum would say again, your personality is not absolutely like mine. Jesue Christ!苍天啊!(引用<炊事班故事>中小毛最爱说的一句话).

在语言学校或是在这上Master的时候,大多数同学都比我小,于是大家都叫我“姐”。前两天卖花的时候，一声“姐”把我总忙乱的包花中惊醒，不用问，是Jason，只有他始终如一叫我“姐姐”。被叫“姐”当然幸福，但也意味着自己不能把自己当小孩子，自己好象应该比弟弟妹妹们成熟。

 

其实自己也好想叫别人“姐”，因为有个姐就是好。那天打电话和老妈说，“我老姐就象第二个妈”。每当有需求时，第一个就要请老姐帮忙，老妈虽然是知音，但有时有点土，就找老姐比较好。老姐会毫不犹豫帮我去办，什么汇钱、买衣服、查资料、找药方、拿东西......越洋电话没多少钱、花不了多少时间，但她那边可忙活了。没办法，老妈老了，老姐就要顶上。

 

在国内时，就喜欢回家，因为老姐一家全在老妈家住。热闹！一休家里就一个儿，很难体会两个孩子的乐趣，更难理解为什么我从澳洲和他在机场就各回各家。那是一个家庭的整体，一个家庭的欢乐，一个血缘的融合，一个大家庭的美好。因为我有姐，所以家里是更热闹的。

 

小时侯，经常和老姐打架，她每次只好让着我，因为她大我5岁半，每次老妈和老爸会用这个理由让她住嘴。老姐没结婚前，一直和老姐睡一起（现在一休一直不能理解为什么我和老姐睡在一张床上，他受不了，我要说那是中国特色，他这个人真是头发短见识短）。记得小学一年纪，非要走在老姐和她的同学中；记得那时半夜十二点和老姐听一个香港还是台湾的节目，现在我都忘了讲什么的了；记得老姐会给我讲她的秘密，虽然我也就10岁，但懵懵懂懂地听着，她可能更多是找个倾听的对象；记得北京刚有Pizza Hut的时候，和老姐去北京站附近（可能是第一家）吃；记得小的时候二外念书的老姐让我听卡朋特的歌和pretty woman电影录音（虽然是英文，但自己还是假装听着）；记得大学每次放假回家，老姐带我去买新衣服，那时穿Fun还是比较时髦的......由于高中住校，大学在外地，工作后老姐已成家，目前我又不在国内，自己和老姐在一起的时间少了，但每次在一起还是那么亲切。真是废话，我们是一家人。虽然我是个要强独立的女孩，但家庭的影响是潜移默化的，老姐的影响是必然存在的。

 

我只能说有姐真的挺好。

 

For PAP SMEAR, I go to see doctor. He is so gentle and handsome. I almost fall in love him at once. He makes me comfortable when he is checking me after knowing that I feel a little nervous.

 

Although I cannot get claim 100% from Medicare, I like this experience.

 

Hope to see him Saturday for getting my result.

好友见我实在闲得无聊,就建议我写小说打发时间。她还真把我当文人，对我的语文功底还挺自信。说实话，我觉得自己属于连话都说不利落的人，如果我写小说，估计大家看了只能是“费解”。所以还是作罢，乖乖地过自己的生活，别耽误了他人对生活的认识。因为我目前对生活的态度已经误入歧途，不能再“毁人不倦”了。

 

小说，其实就是将自己的故事文艺加工，让没经历过的人产生憧憬和好奇，让经历过的人找到共鸣。What if I write a novel? What if someone read my novel? Wowwwwwwwww! More and more people won't come to Australia, Lots of people lose hope for future. Haha... I can be a invisible  killer and influence those people who are struggling here or are trying to come here. That will be sort of rejoicing.

 

Don't be strange what I am saying, actually I am in a wrong way now.